I returned from my graduate studies an underachieving, disillusioned, and under confident researcher. My lure to higher studies had been a natural continuation of academics, which my scores and teachers told me I am good at, and the opportunity to explore CS, which I loved. But my graduate experience turned out to be a very different beast. Habib gave me the opportunity to create the educational experience that I wish I had had.
It has always been somewhat amusing to find myself in leadership roles. So I tried hard not to let down the people who had entrusted me so, and used it as an opportunity to realize my personal goals. In these roles, I often found myself in situations that, to me, boiled down to deciding between the people and the organization. I chose to believe that the organization is determined by the people that comprise it and always erred in favor of the people.
Similarly, I believed that any endeavor, especially if it is meant to last long, stands on a bedrock of principles. Some that I practiced ardently and hopefully established within the program are: honesty, excellence, trust and empowerment, respect, professionalism, competence, accountability and transparency. My practices were informed by the wisdom passed down through pithy adages. I tried to lead by example ("practice what you preach"), staying mostly hands-off with people ("Hire the best people, and then get out of their way") and hands-on with problems ("get your hands dirty"), giving respect where it is due, taking challenges head-on ("take the bull by the horns"), using difficult challenges as an opportunity for growth ("what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"), applying a first-principles approach, treating others how I would like to be treated, being to the point, respecting others' time, taking ownership of my actions, and allowing people the room to make mistakes (not to be confused with being incompetent). I held myself to the same, if not higher, standard that I expected of others.
I chose not to pursue any action that immediately or potentially violated any of the above.
Actions speak louder than words, I believe. Back when I followed cricket, a commentator said of Tendulkar that he is a quiet guy who lets his bat do the talking. Various life experiences have led me to abhor gossip and view with suspicion, those who relish it. I was keenly aware of the privilege that comes with positions of authority, and sought to subvert the common misuse of it by being especially fair and inclusive.
Essentially a lazy person, I leverage my comfort with computational tools to take an automation approach. I recognize the amount of botheration that can be saved by some forethought and structure. An ex-professor always advised to avoid "a system within a system". I remained by-the-book, straightforward, and forthright because, honestly, the alternatives are too much hassle to maintain.
My CS background not only influenced my practices but was essential in shaping my sense of organization and systems.
What I found invaluable throughout was having an able, intelligent assistant. Some of my most pleasurable and rewarding experiences in these roles were my weekly meetings, frequent visits to Cafe 2 Go, and numerous off-hand conversations with Fateeha and with Aala when they coordinated for my offices. Not only did I get a sympathetic ear for my rants, I enjoyed the privilege of smart and pleasing company, and a reality check on my performance. It is no exaggeration that I would have achieved a fraction of what I did in those roles, were it not for these coordinators.
Having observed various people in leadership roles, I have become aware of areas where I fell short: having difficult conversations and cultivating leadership. There are others who do it well and I continue to be inspired by them.
Nonetheless, leading the CS program was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.
My goal was to set up a CS program which would house people like me - people who are academics because of teaching, invested in their students, and excited about pedagogy. The program would house charismatic instructors who would not only inspire students the way I was inspired by mine, but also each other, continually motivating us to be the best versions of ourselves. Its students would espouse a love of the discipline. They would find fun in geeky activities like hacking the system network and watching live streams of Starcraft competitions! Our classrooms would have lively discussions and benefit from equal representation of our young male and female population. Graduates would be noted not only for their technical excellence but for being ethical, conscientious, learned, and generally fun and interesting human beings.
However, despite the length of this note, I am not one to burden others with my wishes or ideals, let alone enforce them. Someone once said to be the change you want to see. I worked diligently toward my ideals. If, in the process, others caught on, all the better.
The decision to leave stems from a combination of push and pull factors pertaining to a variety of factors relating to the country - its economy, politics, governance, society, and the things one has to normalize in order to survive; my family conditions; and workplace situation. Things are not necessarily straightforward - the same factor can sometimes be a push factor and sometimes, pull; different factors take on different weights at different times; some factors diminish from active recollection at a given time, and resurface at other times; and so on. The decision is therefore not necessarily binary, rather stems from a constant ebb and flow, and I just happened to take sustained action during a particular state of mind.
Is this the right decision? I do not know. Maybe. I am not fond of absolute qualifiers like right, wrong, good, and bad. The question is not, what is the meaning of life, someone said, rather, what meaning will I give to my life. I will work to make this the right decision. Will I have regrets? Probably, at times. And at times, I will celebrate it.
Will I miss Habib? Surely. I spent many good years here, interacted with bright young minds, and learned from inspiring colleagues. Habib developed my sensitivity to ideas that were nowhere on my radar. It trusted me in roles that I never thought myself capable of. It allowed me the freedom to experiment and contributed to my growth in many ways. It showered me with respect and reverence at a scale that continues to humble me. Were there bad experiences? Sure, it would be strange if there weren't. Are there particular factors that delayed or hastened this decision? Verily, but that is a complex mix and, by now, a moot point. Oh, and I absolutely love the swimming pool! I would like these thoughts to not be a dead-weight heartache, rather, a guiding light that I continually carry with me and which informs me in my future pursuits.
What about the CS program? Well, I am as curious as you! As I said, the whole is an amalgam of the people that constitute it. There will be new people, new directions, new initiatives, and the program will take new shape, which I very much look forward to. And frankly, I increasingly see myself as an impediment to this necessary evolution. As time passes, I find myself growing rigid, skeptical of change, and nostalgic for "the good old days". This, if anything, is a sign that I need a change.
Overall, I like to think of myself as a wandering spirit. Looking back, I spent, roughly, 8 years in Tunisia/Libya, 1 in England, 8 in Pakistan, 4 in Canada, 4 in Pakistan, 9 in Germany, and 13 in Pakistan. My stint at Habib has been the longest. I would venture that I spent my "prime" at Habib. Staying too long in one place makes me restless. I believe I still have some juice left in me and it is too early to settle and get comfortable. As we proselytize to our students, outside the comfort zone is where learning happens. Steve Jobs said to, "stay hungry, stay foolish". And the internet has long taught us, "I will rest when I am dead".
I look forward to this next phase of my life with enthusiasm, excitement, and positive nervousness. Things that do weigh me down are thoughts of my old parents whom I cannot currently take with me, any potentially adverse effects on my children, and thoughts of the students on campus who ask me about my courses next semester. But ultimately, I submit to Ekko's wisdom, "Sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind".